Last night I found myself once again quietly negotiating with E about his sleep habits. Actually negotiating isn't the right word - more like begging.
For the last 4 weeks he's woken up between 7 & 13 times a night, finally getting up at 5.15am. K (husband) has been getting up with him in the morning when he can to try and give me an extra hour in bed - but it's not enough to function properly. (NB: thank God for make up - such a wonderful invention!!).
When I was on maternity leave the situation wasn't ideal but it was manageable. Now I'm working again - it's definitely not manageable
If a colleague asks me a question at 7am they'll likely get a considered answer and some additional suggestions. By midday they'll get a decent answer but by 5pm all bets are off.
A friend of mine happened to mention that due to the snow she'd turned her heating up and as a result her baby had slept much better. So I decided to put an extra babygro on my little man. And I think it may have changed my life. He still got up at 5.15am - but had only a couple of very short wake ups in the night. It could be a fluke - but it could be he's been cold.
On realising this I immediately started berating myself for being a bad mother. But then I stopped. I'd done everything by the book - put him the right clothes, kept his room at the right temperature and made sure his sleeping pod was the right tog level. It's just that E hadn't read the same book.
So rather than wallow in gulit I've decided to chalk this one up to experience - and rely more on instinct than books in the future.